from The Small Rain by Madeleine L'Engle

When Katherine went to her music lesson on Monday, Justin was sitting at the piano, playing. She stood quietly, leaning against the door until he had finished. When he saw her, he turned around, held out both hands, and smiled at her so sweetly that the tears rushed to her eyes. She went up to him and put her hands into his, looking down at him, trying to keep back the tears.

"What is it?" he asked.

For a moment she could not answer. She just stood still, shaking her head. Then she said, "I don't know."

"Has someone hurt you?"

Wildly she thought--He mustn't be kind to me like this! I don't want him to see me cry--But his eyes looked into hers with interest and concern, and she felt trapped; she wanted to run, to run far, far away; to run where? To run into his arms.

"Has someone hurt you?" he asked again.

At last she nodded.

on the front of my new, totally unlined journal

"Perfect for jotting down poems inspired by the undying beauty of the Nepalese Landscape (or for everyday thoughts inspired by the undying love of your sweetheart)"

Hahaha. I wish. To both.

my life plans-as determined by jenny and larkin and i

age 22-26-work for a large consulting firm like IBM or Accenture Management in DC. establish residency in order to attend Georgetown for grad school. (attain yellow lab named Jack. live in this loft.)

age 26-28-attend Georgetown for graduate school to pursue a masters in Journalism.

age 28-34-work for National Geographic Traveler or Travel & Leisure doing travel writing/photography. travel the world.

age 34-38-while on assignment in Africa, call NGT/T&L and tell them i quit and i'm staying in Africa. live there and learn from them and love on them.

age 38-41-move back to the states. enroll in culinary school at the CIA or Le Academie de Cuisine. learn how to be an amazing chef.

age 41-45-drawing on my immense business knowledge combined with my amazing culinary skills, open a 4-star restaurant in d.c. (georgetown preferably). proceed to make total bank.

age 46-realize that while i'm making a ton of money doing something i love, i'm not really giving back to my community. make the restaurant a combo restaurant/art gallery. and teach inner-city kids art in an after school program.

age 50-retire from chefery and solely manage the restaurant until i can't stand working any longer. look back on my life with satisfaction.

(author's note: i am aware that this plan totally omits husbands/kids/stability of any kind. author reserves the right to change said plan at any point.)

life goals

1. ride on a moped (yes, this is #1).

2. walk/climb/hike to the top of a mountain and yell/shout/scream for joy at the top of my lungs.

3. live in a big city. in a loft. with a whole wall covered in books. and another of just windows.

4. live in the country on a farm with horses and sheep and chickens and an enormous vegetable garden.

5. get married (but that one's not really up to me so much).

6. go on a spur-of-the-moment cross-country road trip.

7. chase a sunset and see how far i can drive before it gets totally dark. then chase the sunrise back.

8. visit leena in thailand.

9. be a hot-shot businesswoman.

10. be a stay-at-home mom.

11. visit madeleine's house Crosswicks in connecticut.

12. live in a house furnished only with a mattress. (but only for a little while)

13. read everything madeleine has ever written. (i'm about halfway there)

14. teach art to inner-city kids out of the back of a legit art gallery in the afternoons.

15. write a poem worth the paper it's written on.

16. go to greece.

17. personally tell anderson cooper how much he improves my quality of news-watching.

18. go to uganda with haley.

19. win a game of party playoff and rub it in jenny's face.

20. fill up 100 journals. (only 93 to go)

21. spend a week straight in the louvre.

22. own a kitchenaid mixer.

23. watch a nadal match live in person.

24. spread the love and beauty of Jesus everywhere i go, for His glory.

maybe more to come later.

we move, unfettered, among the stars

"In art we are once again able to do all the things we have forgotten; we are able to walk on water; we speak to the angels who call us; we move, unfettered, among the stars. We write, we make music, we draw pictures, because we are listening for meaning, feeling for healing. And during the writing of the story or the painting or the composing or singing or playing, we are returned to that open creativity which was ours when we were children. We cannot be mature artists if we have lost the ability to believe which we had as children. An artist at work is in a condition of complete and total faith." -madeleine

answer

You're good. And everything You do is good. For the good of those who love and serve.

1 cor 13:8

it's been an interesting day to say the least.

i got a heart-wrenching message from one friend that precious Jehiah, the 2-year-old Ugandan, got adopted by someone else. it's been her plan all along to adopt Jehiah as soon as she was able. how bittersweet.

another friend's boyfriend told her he loved her for the very first time.

and here i am. sitting on the sofa all afternoon with tears streaming down my face, pleading with God for His love. and maybe someone else's if He's feeling generous.

love never fails. Love never fails. You never fail.

Life and Song

If life were caught by a clarionet,

And a wild heart, throbbing in the reed,

Should thrill its joy and trill its fret

And utter its heart in every deed;

Then would this breathing clarionet

Type what the poet fain would be;

For none o' the singers ever yet

Has wholly lived his minstrelsy,

Or clearly sung his true, true thought,

Or utterly bodied forth his life,

Or out of Life and Song has wrought

The perfect one of man and wife;

Or lived and sung, that Life and Song

Might each express the other's all,

Careless if life or art were long

Since both were one, to stand or fall:

So that the wonder struck the crowd,

Who shouted it about the land:

His song was only living aloud,

His work a singing with his hand!

-Sidney Lanier