letter to my parents from camp st. chris 2001

Hi Mom & Dad,

I hate everything about this camp.  I cry all day & all night.  I can't sleep or eat.  Please get me out of here, quick.  I was up until 3:30 last night.

I love you tons,

Jordie Mack

walking on water

so for about three months now i've been feeling like the Lord's been telling me to walk on water. every sermon i heard was about it, every song had those lyrics, random people would start talking about it. so every time i'd get near a body of water, be it hartwell, the reflection pond, the ocean, or just a puddle, i've tried to walk on it, with all the faith i can muster. i just ended up walking around dripping for a few weeks. pretty funny actually.  

side story: i became obsessed with the writings of madeleine l'engle. i've got a word document of everything she's ever written and i'm determined to read it all by the end of the summer. 

so i go the charleston library the other day and i'm browsing through her stuff, and there's a book called "walking on water". it's a book of reflections on faith and art and their connection. whoa. it's changing my life. 

i realized that the Lord was calling me to read this book. and i'm so glad.  here's a couple excerpts:

"In art we are once again able to do all the things we have forgotten; we are able to walk on water; we speak to the angels who call us; we move, unfettered, among the stars."

"What is real? In the Bible we are constantly being given glimpses of a reality quite different from that taught in school, even in Sunday school. And these glimpses are not given to the qualified; there's the marvel. It may be that the qualified feel no need of them."

"We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are, to see through plastic sham to living, breathing reality, and to break down our defenses of self-protection in order to be free to receive and give love."

"When Jesus wanted to go somewhere he didn't summon a taxi to take him to the airport. He went. And if we examine the Gospels carefully, we discover that sometimes he went farther than even the fastest runner could go in that length of time...We were not meant to be any more restricted than Jesus was during his sojourn with us here on this earth. If we take seriously that during the time of his Incarnation he was truly man, truly human as we are, then anything he did in his lifetime is available to us, too. Am I suggesting that we really ought to be able to walk upon water? That there are (and not just in fantasies) easier and faster ways to travel than by jet or car? Yes, I am."

"The painters and writers who see the abuse and misuse of freedom and cry out for justice for the helpless poor, the defenseless old, give me more hope; as long as anybody cares, all is not lost. As long as anybody cares, it may be possible for something to be done about it; there are still choices open to us; all doors are not closed. As long as anybody cares it is an icon of God's caring, and we know that the light is stronger than the dark."

that's as far as i've gotten so far.  a little past halfway.  

(i'm still going to attempt walking on water whenever the opportunity arises)

((sorry for all the angry/ranting posts lately. that's going to be stopping right about now.))

how i almost punched a lady at the movies

my mom and i went to see The Soloist this afternoon.  great movie.  that's an understatement.

it really captured the joy and love associated with the homeless and how they aren't looking for help from rich people, but friendship.  

and it was beautifully made.  one of the most visually-stimulating movies i've seen.  there's a scene where Jamie Foxx as Nathaniel Ayers (the main character who was homeless) says the Lord's Prayer and it brought me to tears.  

so anyways, the movie ends and i'm sitting there trying to take it all in and this old lady behind us goes "well...it makes you appreciate what you have..." in a flippant tone.  

let me tell you.  i FREAKED OUT.  my blood curdled and i literally almost turned around and screamed at the woman.  i turn to my mom and i'm like "hold me back, i'm about to hit this lady."  she hadn't heard her, so she asked why.  (i'm kind of wondering what was going on in my mom's head at this point)  

so i tell her what the lady said and i'm sobbing "that's not the point.  that's not the point, mom."  even though i was too emotional about it to talk to the lady, i'd love her to know that it really isn't the point.  

America's stance toward the homeless is so messed up.  either we ignore them or we throw money and  things at them and expect them to change.  

all we can do is love them.  and i think that's what Jesus would do.  

i need You

this is the neediest i've ever been.  in my whole life.  

the Lord very clearly called me to Charleston, everything fell into place.  this is where i'm supposed to be.  

then two days ago, i get a voicemail from the people i have been nannying for saying that their schedules changed and they no longer need me.  

so i'm here, with about 10 people i know, jobless.  and i have a rent here and in clemson.  

i'm not gonna lie.  it feels a little like betrayal.  it feels like He's playing with me, and that's not a fun place to be in.  

i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's not true.  i know He has the BEST plans.  and they're going to blow my mind.  but it's a little frustrating to sit around applying and sending resumes and hearing nothing back.  

so i'm needy.  Jesus, i need you.  at this point, there's absolutely nothing i can do.  i've got to wait on You.

i said i wanted an adventure.  here it is.

i don't know much.  there isn't much that i am confident of beyond a shadow of a doubt.  this is what i do know.

there is a God.  a good God.  who loves us beyond what we can comprehend.  who rejoices in our triumphs, who loves us through our failures.  

He created us.  perfectly.  He doesn't make mistakes.

He has a perfect and holy Son, who loved us enough to sacrifice Himself.  He actualized both God's side and Abraham's side of the covenant.  

there is a Holy Spirit, a helper.  without whom we could do nothing.  

Love does exist.  perfect Love.  Love that doesn't give up, let down, or leave.  Love that never condemns, Love that wants us to live life with our feet ten feet off the ground and our hearts hidden in Him.  Love that makes all things possible.

we have the ability to share this Love.  to share our God.  to freely share what He has freely given.  Love.  Peace.  Joy.  Freedom.  to share an exciting, exhilarating Adventure with everyone we come in contact with.  

this is what i know.  this is the solid ground on which i stand.

Joel 2:28

i know i've been posting a lot (must be all this time i have on my hands), but i have to share this really quick.  

so about a week ago, my roommate natasha and i were talking about how i experience God and she gave me some articles on the "seer" anointing.  basically being a "seer" is experiencing the Lord through visions, pictures, and dreams.  aka my life.  (through absolutely nothing i've done.  i've had this my whole life but never realized it was A. different than anyone else and B. from the Lord.)

anyways, so i read the literature and basically, yes, it's describing me.  so i plead with God to show me more and more until all i see is what He sees.  

every night since then i've had a really elaborate dream.  when i say really elaborate, i mean it.  down to smells, tastes, colors, numbers, etc.  and they are all ultra meaningful.  (especially after talking them through with natasha, who is really gifted at interpreting.)

so i just asked her about three of them.  and one of them is basically affirmation of what my friend wesley said in a note on facebook and how we as a group in clemson need to walk in this together.  another is exactly what john longshore posted on the clemson awakening blog about home being where Jesus is.  aka with you.  

how about some confirmation?

so i woke up this morning to a new post on one of the blogs i follow.  as i'm reading through it, i'm thinking how well-written it is and how much truth is in it.  so good.  until i get to the end.  it used something prophesied over me to develop a point.  

i got frustrated.  not only that, i got angry.  i stomped out into the kitchen and started banging cabinet doors...the whole nine yards.  i don't usually get like this.  i think the last time was probably freshman year sometime.  

so i'm telling my roommate laura why i'm mad and i realize my reasoning is way off.  i was mad because i didn't give permission.  but i posted about it on my own blog, for anyone to see.  and this new post didn't even use my name.  i was mad because i didn't tell the person about it firsthand.  he must have seen it on my blog.  but, going back the the first point, i posted it for anyone to see.  see?  my reasoning skills were not very sharp this morning.  

when i chilled out for a minute and talked to the Lord about it, i realized why i am really mad.  it's because he used my prophesy as an example of something for others to follow and i'm not even walking in it right now.  

talk about conviction.  just thought i'd share.  

(God doesn't want us to feel guilty, but, like any good father, wants to discipline us.  just a side note.)

what's in the tent?

2 Corinthians 5:1-6 (Holman Christian Standard Translation)

For we know that if our earthly house, a tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. And, in fact, we groan in this one, longing to put on our house from heaven, since, when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. Indeed, we who are in this tent groan, burdened as we are, because we do not want to be unclothed but clothed, so that mortality may be swallowed up by life. And the One who prepared us for this very thing is God, who gave us the Spirit as a down payment. Therefore, though we are always confident and know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.

I've been thinking a lot about these verses, and I've gotten a few things.  

1. our earthly house is a tent.  this isn't talking about the building we live in, but our body, and the things that go along with it, like our mind, and our mindsets.  to me, it also means our image that we portray to others.  

2. our heavenly house will be glorious.  so when our earthly house dies, we'll be waaay better off.  (side note: i've been in this place for the past few weeks where all i want to do is die and go be with Jesus. and i'm becoming okay with it to an extent, as long as i don't forget what's going on here)

3. this is the big one.  we keep trying to decorate our tents here on earth.  we're trying to settle in.  it's like we go on a camping trip and try to hang pictures and install electricity.  this is so pointless.  we should be so focused on learning, loving, and just being that we don't care about what people think of us, what image we are portraying to others.  we need to stop glorifying ourselves and start glorifying Jesus.  we've got to stop trying to get comfortable here.  that was never the point.

Ask Him what your tent looks like.  Then hold on while He clears it out.  

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  Matthew 6:19-20

we don't have the capacity to understand how God works.  

but sometimes He shows us little glimpses.  

and it blows my mind every time.  

(more to come later, i still can't pull all my thoughts together on this one)