Acts 27:23
"For this night an angel of the God I belong to and serve stood by me."
yeah. covered me is more like it. blanketed our room.
when i started praying for God to reveal His world around us to me, i had no idea it would be this real and present.
and that verse is from my favorite Bible story. so powerful. i can't really believe it.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
i should be studying for my econ test tomorrow. if i were the perfect student, this is what i would be doing. but i'm not. i'm not perfect. at anything. and that's how it's supposed to be. "we're gonna raise our voice in victory! we're gonna make our praises loud!"
God has been showing me this a lot lately. i'm not a perfect Christian, student, friend, daughter, or anything else that i happen to be. the area that i need to work on the most is the friend part. which goes along with the Christian part. "can we climb this mountain? i don't know. higher now than ever before."
i have a lot of love inside me. mostly i have a lot of love for the less fortunate. i have an insane passion for hurting people. homeless, kids, abused, unloved. those are the ones that are easy for me to love. it's hard to love my friends. like, really love them. and show them that. and not get frustrated with them. because they're not perfect. and how will they ever know that they're maybe not doing the perfect thing if we can't get over ourselves and tell them. "throw it away, forget yesterday, we'll make the great escape."
last tuesday night i was trying to go to sleep around two thirty and every time i closed my eyes all i could see were snakes and dragons biting me in the face. i was paralyzed with fear. praying only made it worse. finally i started repeating "in the name of Jesus, be gone" over and over. finally, "IN THE NAME OF JESUS, BE GONE." and they were. then this morning around five i woke up to kathleen shrieking "Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! save me! help me! Jesus Christ!" she saw a black cloud above her that was smothering her. she literally couldn't breathe. "shout it from the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out!"
this was the scariest and most present form of spiritual warfare i have ever encountered. it's also the week i've felt closest to God and His heart. no such thing as coincidence. i dare them to come back every night. because it means i'm a threat. my roommate and i are threats to the second-most powerful force in this world. that pumps me up.
God has been showing me this a lot lately. i'm not a perfect Christian, student, friend, daughter, or anything else that i happen to be. the area that i need to work on the most is the friend part. which goes along with the Christian part. "can we climb this mountain? i don't know. higher now than ever before."
i have a lot of love inside me. mostly i have a lot of love for the less fortunate. i have an insane passion for hurting people. homeless, kids, abused, unloved. those are the ones that are easy for me to love. it's hard to love my friends. like, really love them. and show them that. and not get frustrated with them. because they're not perfect. and how will they ever know that they're maybe not doing the perfect thing if we can't get over ourselves and tell them. "throw it away, forget yesterday, we'll make the great escape."
last tuesday night i was trying to go to sleep around two thirty and every time i closed my eyes all i could see were snakes and dragons biting me in the face. i was paralyzed with fear. praying only made it worse. finally i started repeating "in the name of Jesus, be gone" over and over. finally, "IN THE NAME OF JESUS, BE GONE." and they were. then this morning around five i woke up to kathleen shrieking "Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! save me! help me! Jesus Christ!" she saw a black cloud above her that was smothering her. she literally couldn't breathe. "shout it from the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out!"
this was the scariest and most present form of spiritual warfare i have ever encountered. it's also the week i've felt closest to God and His heart. no such thing as coincidence. i dare them to come back every night. because it means i'm a threat. my roommate and i are threats to the second-most powerful force in this world. that pumps me up.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
soooo a lot has happened...i guess the only way to describe it is to quote my journal from that day....but some background first: one night at the library, fonda, joey, and i were joking about quitting school and planting a church and how much more joy we could find in that...then i got into a crazy funk...after a lot of talking through it, we realized that spiritual warfare was at play...i really don't mean to make light of any of this...so anyway, we felt like satan was threatened by just the mention of the idea of doing great things in Christ's name...and this is my journal entry from the next day:
"God, fill me up, wake me up, pump me up. I feel like a zombie and I know exactly why now. Three hours of sleep doesn't help, and neither does not spending time with You. God, help me guard my mind agains Satan. He hates what we are doing. Help us keep doing the things he hates in Your Name. God, fill me with Your presence. If planting a church is Your will for our lives, help us to see that SO clearly. God, nothing is a coincidence. Show me that today. Help me find a little rest in You. I love You. Help me show that to the people You love."
so about four months ago i was reading through the New Testament and i stopped because i started reading through Jeremiah...anyway, i go to read and turn to where my page marker was, still stuck to 1 Timothy 3. the heading is "Qualifications of Church Leaders". it says this: "This saying is trustworthy: 'If anyone aspires to be an overseer, he desires a noble work.'" it then goes on to describe all the attributes of church leaders (which is now my list of things to aspire to be).
God has never answered my prayers so quickly or obviously. it was powerful. it completely rocked my life. then i went back and read the blog post before this one... "are you kidding me, God?!?!?!" what power the Word brings!
in the following week or so i have met and grown closer to some of the most real, enthusiastic, and Christ-like people i have ever known. every day has brought me confirmation of something i had never before thought i was cut out for...God works wonders...
"God, fill me up, wake me up, pump me up. I feel like a zombie and I know exactly why now. Three hours of sleep doesn't help, and neither does not spending time with You. God, help me guard my mind agains Satan. He hates what we are doing. Help us keep doing the things he hates in Your Name. God, fill me with Your presence. If planting a church is Your will for our lives, help us to see that SO clearly. God, nothing is a coincidence. Show me that today. Help me find a little rest in You. I love You. Help me show that to the people You love."
so about four months ago i was reading through the New Testament and i stopped because i started reading through Jeremiah...anyway, i go to read and turn to where my page marker was, still stuck to 1 Timothy 3. the heading is "Qualifications of Church Leaders". it says this: "This saying is trustworthy: 'If anyone aspires to be an overseer, he desires a noble work.'" it then goes on to describe all the attributes of church leaders (which is now my list of things to aspire to be).
God has never answered my prayers so quickly or obviously. it was powerful. it completely rocked my life. then i went back and read the blog post before this one... "are you kidding me, God?!?!?!" what power the Word brings!
in the following week or so i have met and grown closer to some of the most real, enthusiastic, and Christ-like people i have ever known. every day has brought me confirmation of something i had never before thought i was cut out for...God works wonders...
vision
"A God-ordained vision will begin as a concern. You will hear or see something that gets your attention. A thought related to the future will generate an emotion. Something will bother you about the way things are or the way things are headed. Unlike many passing concerns, these will stick with you. You will find yourself thinking about them in your free time. YOu may lose sleep over them. YOu won't be able to let them go because they won't let you go." Andy Stanley
What won't let you go? What is your vision?
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