how is it that you can still have deep feelings for someone who has hurt you so many times? am i just a glutton for punishment? or is there a reason those feelings are still there? something inside me tells me not to give up. then there's the fact that i quite honestly still believe he is emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically perfect, even if he sometimes acts like a total ass and is a commitment-phobe. or maybe it's just me that he acts like that towards. maybe i'm not worth commitment, or i'm too forward, or too __________. i make fun of girls who act the way i'm feeling right now. "get over it," i say, "he's just a jerk." but now i think i have to be done. even though he's always on my heart and on my mind. even if it takes years to get through. i can't take it anymore. it's a rollercoaster ride and i'm not in control of any part of it, because every time he's ready to ride again, i'm right there. i just can't do it anymore. i give up.