an addiction to beauty

i'm not actually sure why i started blogging in the first place. certainly not because i expected anyone to read it. but then why not just keep a diary? i think it was the thrill of knowing that, if someone cared enough, they could find me. six-hundred and something page views later, i'm not sure why anyone reads anymore. but i do know that most of what i've been posting on lately has not been beautiful, beneficial, pointing to something greater than myself and my foolish life.

this site was meant to be a portrayal of my soul. when i go back and read some of the things i've said over the past weeks, months, years, i don't like the woman i see. it's not an accurate representation of the person i want to be. so i'm sorry. let me reintroduce myself:


My name is Jordan Elizabeth Scott Treadaway. I was named after my mom's sister Elizabeth Scott White who passed away at 18 and my parents' good friend Steve Jordan. Jordan means "to flow down" and Treadaway is some derivative of "mighty warrior."

I'm addicted to beauty. Sometimes I look out over our back porch and cry because the leaves are so green, and get a high better than any drug when I sit in the amphitheater on campus and look out at the reflection pond and the blooming trees.

I'm very happy just to "be." To sit and drink coffee and listen to a conversation. Most times I'd rather do the listening than the talking.

I'm easily hurt, so I pretend to be a hard-ass. Lots of people don't know this about me.

I get easily depressed by all the bad things I see in the world, and transform into a clam when it gets overwhelming. I turn to books and art to remove me from this world and take me into another, better, simpler, more beautiful one. And suddenly this becomes my reality.

I believe strongly in the power of the Love of God to do battle against terrible things. He's so much stronger than we give Him credit for. And, according to Romans 8:9-11, this power, the power that raised Christ from death, lives within us. I have no problem believing this of others, but I struggle to think that this is true of myself. Increase my faith!

I don't know what I want to do with this life. But I do know that whatever it is should involve breaking the dam of religion and darkness and showing people love, beauty, truth, power, grace.


this is what i want, need to portray here. thank you all so much.